By Taina Lyons
Humans instinctively understand power. As we bear witness to more natural disasters such as the catastrophic flooding in the US South, we’re faced more regularly with the overwhelming ways power moves through ecosystems, communities, and individual lives.
Water has the power to nourish or flood. Fire warms or destroys. Wind has the power to move leaves, or bring down a tree.
The power of nature can seem violent, as we witness devastation after earthquakes, wildfires, hurricanes, or disease. If you define violence as power that inflicts pain, fear, trauma or death, then it can seem that violence is an inescapable aspect of the universe.
We also know the nurturing power of beauty when a sunset elicits awe, a song opens our heart, or we feel moved by a piece of art or architecture. We experience the power of gentle touch that soothes and comforts, or the pain of a stubbed toe. We feel power when desire arises as attraction or aversion to someone.
As human beings, how we direct our power is a creative choice we make as we interact with the forces of life that include impulses initiated by other humans, nature, ancestors and spirits. We are quite literally co-creating the very universe in which we reside. The creative choices we are making are connected to the environment.
Humans love power is because we love to be moved and impacted by life. And we love to see our impact. It’s essential to connection, growth, and learning about ourselves and the world.
Yet the idea of power has become distorted; people may believe power itself is bad or corrupt. Power is not the problem. At least some of the time, people enjoy having powerful experiences. It's a type of spiritual need. It’s part of our nature. It only becomes problematic when people are traumatized or misguided and misuse their power, or they fall under the influence of addictions and harmful spiritual or cultural influences.
What does right relationship with power mean to you?
Power is a basic aspect of reality. In my experience it exists as relationship—the power to impact, influence, or change is in relationship with the capacity to open, experience, or be changed. I understand power as the interplay between influential forces of the mutable environment. It’s dynamic. A power dynamic.
I often refer to power dynamics in reference to socially constructed systems of power and harm caused when one person is violated by someone in a position of power. Yet - there is an immanent power that humans carry that doesn't imply harm. It’s through distortion of power that violence has proliferated.
If a person is seen and nurtured in their essence from the beginning of their life, their sense of power is intact. If they have been shamed, coerced, neglected or abused, their sense of power will be injured. (You’ve probably heard the phrase “hurt people hurt people.” They also hurt the natural environment, animals, and the climate.)
So what might healthy power look like?
What if it looked like play, and moving through conflict and strong emotion with compassion, back into a state of connection and play?
Children love to play. We can really learn from them (and teach them) about this process of moving through play-conflict-repair-play.
Children are curious about their impact on the world around them. They're in a state of innocent power and they need to express their feelings, assert their will and learn about relationships. A caregiver's job is to protect a child's curiosity while also shaping their impact.
If a child hits another child and repair is needed, an adult can help the child learn about their power. In this situation, first I would check in with the child who was impacted, giving them attention and appropriate care, without inflating the situation. Then, I would ask the child who caused harm to notice how their action impacted the other child: their friend is crying; they're feeling pain; they're sad or angry. I name for the child the cause and effect of their actions. For example, "So-and-so was splashing in the water and accidentally splashed you. You didn't want to get wet so that made you mad and you pushed so-and-so. Now you're both upset." I reflect that repair is possible: "I know you'd both like to be playing and having fun again. Why don't you check in with your friend and see what they need to feel better." I wouldn't automatically prompt a child to say "I'm sorry." I would like the hurt child to give an authentic action that would repair what happened. Maybe they've moved on and are playing again already by now!
Children are often brilliant in their ability to have a full experience and move on unless there is a major or sustained trauma. Regular experiences of repair help children trust their adult caregivers and also trust that they can work through conflict and have tools to do so.
I also reflect with a child on their power if they harm or kill some part of the environment. It can lead to some deep and fascinating philosophical conversations about life, death and responsibility with children of any age.
(What if this example was replaced by adults whose conflicts now involve weapons and a much larger set of hurts and much larger repair? Who or what can hold this repair?)
I remember when I first became a mother and was caring for my toddler. Parenting my toddler brought up a lot of anger in me at times.
I happened to see a flyer for an event called Sacred Rage facilitated by Rythea Lee and Samantha Burnell. I signed up right away. Through the experience of feeling and expressing rage, I could come into my sense of power to express and process these strong emotions. This way I did not react in harmful ways, or have to disconnect or dissociate from the intensity of my experience, but I could meet it and grow in my capacity to respond instead of reacting. Many times since then I have needed to call on these skills and practices both as a parent and in order to feel the intensity of my natural response to personal and collective pain and injustice without misdirecting the energy or collapsing.
This time calls for power rooted deeply in care for other human and non-human beings. Human emotions are interconnected with our global climate, so quite simply, becoming more skillful (and playful) with the power of your emotions and creative power, is part of healing climate crisis.
How will you bring your loving power-in-action-and-play today?
(See the cartoon below for how-to instructions.)
And please donate to disaster relief for flood impacted regions in the South:
From Bug Boys #1
"In the dark"
by Laura Knetzger
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